दृष्टिकोण – Indra's Viewpoint

I happen to watch a serial these days on NDTV Imagine, as Harendra, the personal aid of Yamuna likes to see its heroine, Suman’s story and insists for it. Interestingly, the head of the family is the old grandfather and it is he who takes all decisions. I wonder why he has been doing that. He would have handed over the reign to next generation to get rid of all the worries and agony that go with running of a household.

I remember Jamuna baba (about whom I wrote earlier) got the family divided just to keep his control on his part of the property even when his way of running it became obsolete. It resulted in bigger agony for him and total loss.

The joint family system in which I grew is getting scarce. My youngest uncle lives with his youngest son and his wife. Alok, his son has successfully taken over the total responsibility of the farming and household affairs. My uncle had been running the bigger show when the property of the three brothers was jointly held. Today he does only as much as he likes or is asked for by Alok. Perhaps, that is the best option for a person at around 76 years of age.

I am now 70 plus and live with Yamuna, as the three sons are in US. I am to take all the worries about self and Yamuna as well as whatever little property I have to sustain us well. Sometimes I feel morose and melancholy. I fail to find out what actually I want. What would have made me happier?

We have been living on the rental income. Naturally, I shall have to enjoy the worries that go with the property management. I had undergone heart surgery some 10 years ago. The doctor suggested an angiography again. My eyesight has gone poor because of cataracts. I never like going to doctor and avoid it till it is unbearable such as toothaches. Perhaps I want someone to take care about me, and to carry me to doctor or to call doctor. I hardly listen to Yamuna so far my personal matters are concerned and she keeps on cursing me. I enjoy marketing and bringing routine vegetables, fruits and groceries on day to day basis while returning from my morning walk. But many a times I feel, I would have loved someone else doing that for me.

My expectations have upped only because of my sons: Rakesh did everything when I underwent heart surgery. Rajesh took care of the truant tenant where I would have failed. Anand took some burden during the construction of Ajira, Salt Lake and rather pushed me to Delhi.

Actually I get morose and envy my father who never had to worry about the household worries. When he lived in my paternal village, his uncle and then his younger brothers did everything. And then he came to live with my mother in the village of my maternal grandfather after his death, but my mother took care of all the affairs. Ultimately, he was sick and almost bedridden. He lived with us with no worries of household and nothing to do. Some one or the other took care of all his needs.

With the growth of nucleus family, more couples will have to live the way we are living. Many a times, the couples after retirement find it difficult to pass the time as they don’t prepare for it. The planning must get started well in advance.

4. One must try to keep oneself fit and lean. None can help you here but yourself.

And it is you who must do all these things. I do suggest my younger friends to prepare for the days and years to keep you engaged when it comes. Don’t grumble if you have failed to do that.

As I was finishing this write-up, I happen to talk with my HM friend AJ Bhattacharya, a graduate from Jadavpur University, and a real smart and handsome person at that time. Bhattacharya was working till a year or two ago when I met him. I was shocked to hear his trembling voice. He lives with his wife and my ‘baudi’ in his Salt Lake house in CF block. He is suffering Parkinson’s decease. Both the sons are away, one in Bangalore and the other in US. I really felt sorry, but couldn’t talk long. He was finding it default to converse.

And on Monday morning I got another shock when Mrs. Lakshman Singh, 70 who lives near Hind Motors informed me about the nightmare that she might have undergone when Lakshman Singh. 80 got a heart attack on Saturday night. They live alone with Rajat and his wife Sushmita in New York. Now Lakshman Singh is out of danger and pretty well, but the inconveniences of Mrs. Lakshman Singh would not have ended. Managing a hospitalized husband with no one from the family is pretty difficult. But the acquaintances and the people in Eastern India are still more helpful and sensitive and provide great moral support in such emergency.

And now I hear that Rajat is coming for 10 days to see his father.

This is the way one is to learn to live the life at the end. So prepare in advance mentally and try to face the life boldly and perhaps by yourself.

I was surprised and amused to see Anand Sharma’s comment on My Reasons to Seek a Long Life that was as follows:

Precisely that is the reason that I don’t wish live up to 2039. When I see my own transformation in photos below, I can imagine for my kids:

Emma and Zach will be 31 and 33, while Keshav will be 41 and his father 73. I love how they look today. Here is a photograph and see their divine facial expressions. Will it remain the same with their age in 2039?

Can Shannon get a photograph of this quality in 2039? Both will be busy in their own affairs, as their parents are today.

I have some beautiful photographs of Anand, Rajesh and Rakesh in my collection but more so in my heart and mind that I enjoy at all moments.

I shall certainly not like to see them at the age with all the possible changes that will come in physical appearances and attitudes.

I love them as they are today. For parents, the children remain kids all the time. I can’t just imagine seeing them that old.

I wish the readers of this blog take some time and at least glance through the link to get an idea of India 2039 and understand the assumptions taken in building up the dream India.

I shall feel bad, if even in 2039, ‘the absolute poverty persists in limited areas in India’, as the report predicts.

A February 2010 Carnegie Endowment paper titled The World Order in 2050, by Uri Dadush and Bennett Stancil. (Available as a working draft at http://www.carnegieendowment.org/publications) Even in 2050 about 4 per cent of India’s population that will be in many crores in number, would be living on less than $2 a day. No amount of per capita increase in income will be of any solace. What will be that growth that will not make 100% Indians literate rather educated? That will be certainly not that I wish to keep on seeing even in 2039.

Finally, the horror of not finding some Harendra or Syamal to look after us is equally dissuading to dream for living thr’2039?

I wish the researches by 2020 could make us find easy ways and means to win over the human disability to live well, and eliminate the dependence of aging persons on others.

The fond memories of childhood in my village keep me happy in my solitude. Recently, I discovered that I have with me the photograph of the place rather the room where I was born. Basically that room was very auspicious so was used for the delivery for all the children before and even after me before the final division in the family. The photograph is a typical of a courtyard of a house in a village. One can see the rural old rice making appliance (Dhenki/ka) that used to make rice from paddy. I have seen the appliance extensively in use with singing women folks working for dehusking the paddy till rice mills arrived. It must have been a tiring exercise for their legs.

My family house had four courtyards and the roofs all over were covered with khaprel and naria (baked rural terracotta tiles). The southernmost was for male and the cattle. At one time, we had some 10 bullocks, two-three buffaloes and one very good horse. I remember some of bullocks had some unique identities based on places from where they came. Horse came in the house after a generation and continued for some years. Actually the first one came as a dowry from my maternal uncle Late Ramakant Rai, the brother-in-law of Nand Kishore chacha of village Ladui, and the next village in south of our village. In the evening in summer, after the sprinkling of water drawn from the well in the corner and all the cattle in their places, the courtyard presented a great scene. I still get reminded of some persons who might not have survived by now who used to entertain us all with some unique magic, enchanting stories and local songs. In evening many from among the villagers used to come for social get together. I still remember the evening when I requested my grandfather to ask ‘Pahalwan Sahab’ Rajneti Rai, the senior to show us some trick. Interestingly, he complied. He enquired Radhika Rai if he has some pure silver coins in his pocket. Naturally Radhika Rai was bewildered to hear that. But on search, one of my uncles found five old silver coins in his pocket. I don’t know how he did it. Was it a trick or some special power that he had developed? But as the story used to be, Rajneti Rai has a spirit under his control who does everything that he wishes.

The place now look totally changed as shown in photograph below that is now owned by my youngest uncle and his family.

I have some real good memories of earlier years. There was a very old well in the compound and there was no gate. One night, when we were sleeping, there was loud noise and we found the bricked wall of the well had collapsed. Jamuna baba got the new well in one corner. When we got the horse, a place for it was created where earlier the well existed.

The next courtyard was one for cattle and cattle feed. However, there was a room in one corner with a sub-room in it. My great grandmother told me that it was of the grandfather of my grandfather. He lived a very long life and that too lavishly. The room was having few chests with all types of papers, old books, court documents and perhaps some souvenirs. I used to sneak into it in my childhood and used to look at the papers. I had not developed the knowledge to understand and interest about preserving things of family history for posterity. And all those got thrown in absence of a good appreciator. I really feel sorry for it. But I do also remember the extra care by Jamuna baba, when the portion was getting demolished to construct a new one according to his plan. He expected some hidden treasures to appear from the wall or the floor, as the old persons kept their savings that way without telling anyone. Alas! Nothing came out to make him financially affluent too.

On the eastside of the third court yard was a long two-storied hall with three-four good beds (mostly received in dowry) and just two small windows where all of us the male members used to sleep. The mud wall was almost three-four feet in width that kept the place pretty comfortable even in hot summer.

The third courtyard was for the ladies with the fourth one as vacant with some trees of pomegranate and a lemon. The photograph above is from the third courtyard. It had a small platform in the middle that was worshipped as place of Lord Shiva. The family used the place during marriage or for any religious function such as Satya Narayan Puja as one we were having in the photograph when we visited Pipra with Yamuna and newly born Rakesh for the first time in 1968 while I was working in Hindustan Motors.

There are many memories of the places around our family house that keeps me wondering if I could have photographed all the corners of the house.